Manmohan Singh Finally Talks to God

By Abhishek Pandey

Recently Manmohan Singh went to God alone, without the permission of Sonia Gandhi. PMO denies it, but it has been reliably reported that the PM went up the top of the mountains to speak with God.

“God, God, why are you doing this to me?”

“Doing what, Manmohan?”

“The Coalgate, 2G scam, corruption charges, uncontrollable inflation, CBI investigations, now Lokpal. Why me, God?”

“Don’t blame me, Manmohan. I gave you my blessings to become the Prime Minister not once but twice in spite of knowing that you had not won Loksabha election. You have taken all this for granted.”

“God, I have done everything you told me to do. I introduced new legislations for the poor. I even introduced a new law to curb corruption; not because Anna Hazare asked for it but because I had promised you in the past.”

“Don’t lie. That was because of Kejriwal’s win in Delhi and Anna’s indefinite fast for the legislation in Ralegaon Sidhi. Anyway, I had warned you that you had sinful people working for you.”

“When, God?”

“Just after your meeting with Sonia to decide on the names of the cabinet ministers. When I saw you selected people to head up the ministries. I was shocked. We’ve got a long file on them up here.”

“Why dint you tell me, God.”

“I tried to, but PMO officials and Pankaj Pachauri would not let me talk to you on the phone. They said they would give you the message I called.”

“They never told me, God.”

“It figures. Then I sent you an e-mail saying it was urgent you contact me. I even commented on you Facebook post in which you congratulated Sonia for showing confidence in you and choosing you the PM.”

“The only e-mails I read during that period were those in which people supported my liberalization policies of 1991 and said that I had ability to make India a super power.”

“Finally, Manmohan, I made one last effort. I showed up at a press meeting one day at 10 Janpath, and after the meeting I came up to you and said there are men among you who would be reason of your fall. Do you know what you did, Manmohan? You did not react and introduced me to Digvijay Singh.”

“I dint know it was you, God. So many people show up at these meetings. You could be a BJP man. Is that why you are punishing me—because I snubbed you?”

“I am not punishing you, Manmohan. But even I could do just so much. I agree, you are an honest man, Manmohan. If it were merely a case of Coalgate, I could probably fix it. But your government is involved in corruption, shielding tainted leaders and corporate houses, gagging media, harassing honest officers, etc. Your ministers even tried to control social media and cane charged protesters at India Gate. The list of sins is endless."

“Good, God. Nobody is perfect! Is NaMo perfect?”

“Don’t change the topic.”

“Alright. Look, I have just got a few months in which to go down as the greatest Prime Ministers of India. I don’t want to go down in the pages of the history as the worst PM of India. Give me a break.”

“You have got to clean the house, Manmohan. Get rid of everyone who had any connection with any scandal. 

Don’t spare anyone. You must make it perfectly clear you were hoodwinked by everyone on your staff. You must show the indian people that when it comes to the reputation of an honest PM, no one is too big to be sacrificed on the altar of expediency.”

“God, you are asking for a really big sacrifice. Can Congress survive it?”

“I am trying to help you, not Congress.”

“God, one minute, let me check with Madam over WhatsApp to get an idea what are her views.”

“Okay.”

After five minutes.

“God, I’ll do it. Will you take AK Antony, Jairam Ramesh and Jaipal Reddy?”

“What kind of sacrifice is that?”

“Sharad Pawar!”

“Go ahead.”

“Salman Khursheed and P. Chidambaram.”

“That’s more like it.”

“And, God if I sacrifice them, will you keep me out of this and help Rahul Jee become the next PM.”

“Manmohan, I don’t work miracles.”

Note: This is an ‘original parody’ of an article written by Art Buchwald on Richard Nixon in 1971.

# This article also appeared on Fakingnews.com. (http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/01/18/manmohan-talks-to-god/)

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